2008 Woodie Awards
This ain't yo' momma's dormitory
Rules for living in the dorms
Emily Kahm
Issue date: 3/9/07 Section: News
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The "Potty training" Rules
These rules are mostly about the bathrooms that we dorm dwellers share. Here's the rule of thumb-don't make it look like you were there! I know some of us like to leave little signals to mark our movement throughout the day, but no one else wants to be reminded of your smiling face every time they see colorful toothpaste all over the sinks or blobs of hair stuck to the tiles in the showers. The fact is, none of those living with you is your mama. The custodian is not your mama. So even though at home mama might pick up your used feminine products (ladies) or clean up after you empty your shaver over the sink (gentlemen), it just doesn't fly here. Flush your own toilet, make sure your paper towels get into the trash can, and basically, try to be like a ninja, but in the bathroom.
The "It's Always 3 a.m. Somewhere" Rules
One of the most essential parts of college is sleep-the average college student wants to get as much of it as possible. So much so that it's probably true (though this reporter has no inclination to try and prove it) that there is someone in your hall asleep at all times. We all keep totally different hours, enough so that we will never adapt well to the standard 9 to 5 of the working world. This is one of the many logical reasons why doing sprints up and down the hallway, screaming at someone in the bathroom from your room, having your door open while listening to boy bands at excruciating volumes, and slamming your door are completely unnecessary. This especially goes for anyone not on the first floor-those below you can hear you. We hear everything.
The "I Have Homework Too, Stop Whining" Rules
It's probably to be expected that after five weeks of break, we all managed to forget that college involved homework, and equally understandable that we'd be surprised and upset by our first few assignments. But everyone should have settled in by now. And don't try to pin your anger directly on your major-no one really cares about the opinion of business majors about how little homework science students have, or vice versa, or if all your classes seem pointless. Assuming you chose your major like a big girl or boy, you have absolutely no room to complain. Just do your stuff, let other people do theirs, and don't proclaim it to the whole dorm when for some reason you feel victimized by a particular assignment. We know the professors have it out for us. But if you figure out a good way to get back at them…put some fliers in the bathrooms.
So if we can all just follow these basic rules, I'm sure spring semester 2007 will be only minimally painful for all of us. Until next issue, keep clean, keep quiet, and keep coming up with conspiracy theories about the administration.
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