2008 Woodie Awards
Give Rockhurst My Notice
Ben Folds folds, McDonald all in
William Miller
Issue date: 4/1/08 Section: News
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**note: this story is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. any names and/or quotes are false, even if the person may be real. all plot sequences were made up. enjoy**
SAB announced early Monday morning The Big Event, featuring popular pop pianist Ben Folds, has been cancelled. The news came as a huge blow to the Rockhurst student populace as all of the available 1,000 tickets had been handed out.
“This is ridic,” complained junior Zach Lysaught. “I mean, we get up early for tickets we have no need to get up early for, and actually show interest in an SAB act for once, and this is what happens.
“I knew it was too good to be true.”
In a last-minute effort to save the show, SAB has booked famed Mo-Town singer Michael McDonald, who happens to already be in the area the weekend of April 5 for a previous engagement. Earlier in the day, he will also be opening a new Go Chicken Go located at 55th and Prospect.
Because of the late booking, tickets will cost $25 a piece. Those with Ben Folds tickets can redeem them for a $.57 discount.
The location of the concert has yet to be determined, as it is common knowledge there ain’t no mountain high enough nor a valley low enough to contain the all-powerful vocals of McDonald’s epic windpipes.
Speculation has run rampant since the news came out as to why the cancellation has occurred.
Of the theories revolving around campus, the one gaining the most steam involves incompetence in SAB. Though good intentions had the student-run club booking the popular artist, a lack of spelling ability and general knowledge of who Ben Folds was at all had SAB booking Ben Fulds, an up-and-coming ventriloquist/mime.
“This is quite embarrassing. No one on our staff really knew who Ben Folds was,” explained one club member, choosing to remain anonymous. “We just went from the survey results and what we heard around campus.
“We recognized the mistake once we saw the rider included a key lime pie for his puppet Mike Honcho Jr. Something about that just didn’t sound right.”
By the time the mistake was discovered, the show was promoted, and tickets were distributed.
SAB has declined comment on the situation, choosing to neither confirm nor deny the rumors.
When reached for comment concerning the truth to the misbooking, Fulds could not comment, due to the fact he is a mime.
Speaking on Fuld’s behalf, Honcho Jr. stated, “All we ever wanted was a chance. With a springboard like Rockhurst – whose turnout to lesser known acts is legendary among the mime and puppet sects – our careers and lives would have been set. What does Michael McDonald have that we don’t?”
“Well, for one, I don’t need a felt puppet to do my talking for me,” responded McDonald when informed of the question. “Personally, I can’t wait to get to Rockhurst. Those kids and me are gonna take it to the steets.
“And when I refer to it, I mean those funky, jive sounds of rhythm and blues.”
We can only hope, Mr. McDonald. We can only hope.
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