2008 Woodie Awards
Rockhurst responds to parking crtics: Yes we can!
George Costanza
Issue date: 4/1/08 Section: News
|
***This story is entirely fictitious. No events or circumstances are true. It is part of an April Fool's Day issue, for your enjoyment only***
Sighs of relief and satisfaction filled the air Monday afternoon as Rockhurst University announced the construction of a new parking garage, the first in the history of the school.
The new garage will assist in easing the pains both students and faculty alike have experienced in past years. The garage addresses the key problem with parking at the university - too many cars and not enough space.
Construction on the parking garage will begin the morning of Thursday, April 3. The groundbreaking ceremony will include speeches by President Thomas Curran and the head architect on the project Bob the Builder.
Builder sees the project as an exciting chance to bring his unique style of architecture to an older demographic.
“The time for child’s play is over.
“When I heard there was a building needed building, one question immediately came to mind – Can we fix it?” explained Builder. “Then I realized there was nothing to fix, but only to build. So I figured me and my concrete mixer Dizzy could handle the job.”
It had been speculated Tim Taylor – famous handyman and host of TV’s “Tool Time” – would be awarded the building contract.
However, problems arose as insurance quotes for the project were gathered. According to one source close to the process, the insurance costs for the garage would be so high and complex, not even a caveman would understand them, much less approve them.
Construction is expected to be completed in late May, just in time to manage the mass exodus of students from the campus for the summer.
The site of construction will be the recently demolished lot across the street from Rockhurst. The campus purchased the land from Kansas city landlord Bobby Bolivia. As part of the deal, Boliva has naming rights and will call the structure the Rockhurst Parking and Tag Resale Complex.
The garage will be four levels, holding up to two hundred cars (or approximately 1.36 Transformers). The garage will have swipe access to the spots to ensure only Rockhurst students and faculty receive access to the parking. The swipe card system also allows for greater security as Rocko’s will record how many times each car enters and exits the structure.
“This will be a great step toward clearing up the congestion around Rockhurst,” commented Rocky the Hawk, esteemed school mascot. “Though, now I have another building to avoid during my daily flights!”
Be the first to comment on this story